This too some time and pondering. Really had to dig deep inside and find a bit of courage and vulnerability to recognize both my strengths and weaknesses.
What is always so curious is wen you notice how your weakness tends to be just a reverse of your strength. For me, it’s people.
I love people. While I am more an “ambivert” (in between introvert & extrovert), being able to help, learn from, and communicate with people is something I am both good at and enjoy doing. Connecting with other souls is part of my very very being.
Yet, with that deep love of connection, comes the flip side of the coin which is not as pretty.
The need to feel validated, wanted, significant, attaching other people’s opinions to my self worth. None of which are bad in moderation. But it wouldn’t be a weakness if I were already taking them in moderation. 😉
Ever since I was old enough to sense and understand the energy and emotions of people around me, I’ve struggled with people pleasing. The rational was: “if I can make them happy, then they will like me.”
What I never bothered to take in to consideration was the tole that puts on myself to maintain putting everyone before me. And the unfair judgement I cast at others because I did not stand up for myself.
The journey to “curing” myself of this need to be accepted has been hard. Even now I catch myself doing or saying things just so I won’t stir the pot or upset people. There days where it’s hard to control the need for significance.
Then there are other days where I am able to throw all that ego stuff out the window and deeply connect with others because I WANT to know them and understand them. And ultimately help them if it’s a fit.
In those moments, I don’t worry if they think what I say sounds out of this world, or if my honesty is overly straight forward, or if my look affects what they think of me.
The biggest difference between when I feel lacking and needy vs confident and strong, is that I acknowledge my own needs first, then step outside of my ego.